A LOT has happened.
got back to SLO (long day of traveling)
went to an awesome LAN party (at one of my roomie's house)
got a "nice" email from my biological father.
right now i'm in a shitty mood, and i'd write more about it, but i'm trying to change myself by having a positive outlook, so talking about how shitty i'm feeling won't help.
-Brian
Monday, March 31, 2008
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Day 25 - March 27, 2008
Gotta love jazz.
So today started out pretty uneventfully. Just kinda lounging around, crocheting a little bit, and saw my mom and brother off home to MI.
Then my sister got home, and we went to an awesome jazz club in Portland.
We were just waiting for our food to come, and the band started playing.
i was totally amazed, these four older guys just started rocking out. they all donned some derivative of a smile. they all just seemed to be lost in the music they were playing. and they were amazing musicians to boot.
I couldn't help but thoroughly enjoy every minute i was there.
and so now im just veggin out in front of the TV, doing a little crocheting before i go to bed tonight.
All in all a great day.
-Brian
So today started out pretty uneventfully. Just kinda lounging around, crocheting a little bit, and saw my mom and brother off home to MI.
Then my sister got home, and we went to an awesome jazz club in Portland.
We were just waiting for our food to come, and the band started playing.
i was totally amazed, these four older guys just started rocking out. they all donned some derivative of a smile. they all just seemed to be lost in the music they were playing. and they were amazing musicians to boot.
I couldn't help but thoroughly enjoy every minute i was there.
and so now im just veggin out in front of the TV, doing a little crocheting before i go to bed tonight.
All in all a great day.
-Brian
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Day 24 - March 26, 2008
Sometimes friends don't end up helping.
Today started off less than amazing. Got my less than spectacular grades.
My mom, endeavoring to make me feel better, decides to get me off of my butt and takes me and my brother out to lunch. My mother and I discuss everything, and i end up feeling much better.
Then i get back, with supplies in hand to start a cool project i had found on the internet.
and then an AIM window popped up.
It was my friend, She wanted to help, and so i asked her for some advice on my current predicament.
It didn't exactly help, it made me feel worse actually. I can she what she was getting at, but her choice of words, and the way she presented her advice just made me feel worse. burdened. choiceless.
i've been trying to shake it since. I haven't been crocheting at all, i just don't feel up to it at all.
So i tell my friend that she hadn't exactly been contributing to my happiness.
And she brings the problem right back up, and gives me her advice again.
After accidentally hurting someone once, i would hope that she would know not to do it again.
but she did.
o well.
maybe tomorrow will be better.
-Brian
Today started off less than amazing. Got my less than spectacular grades.
My mom, endeavoring to make me feel better, decides to get me off of my butt and takes me and my brother out to lunch. My mother and I discuss everything, and i end up feeling much better.
Then i get back, with supplies in hand to start a cool project i had found on the internet.
and then an AIM window popped up.
It was my friend, She wanted to help, and so i asked her for some advice on my current predicament.
It didn't exactly help, it made me feel worse actually. I can she what she was getting at, but her choice of words, and the way she presented her advice just made me feel worse. burdened. choiceless.
i've been trying to shake it since. I haven't been crocheting at all, i just don't feel up to it at all.
So i tell my friend that she hadn't exactly been contributing to my happiness.
And she brings the problem right back up, and gives me her advice again.
After accidentally hurting someone once, i would hope that she would know not to do it again.
but she did.
o well.
maybe tomorrow will be better.
-Brian
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Day 23 - March 25, 2008
I can knit?
So today wasn't ridiculously eventful.
Went to the craft store. stopped off at a dollar store close by.
I was going to buy some stuff at the craft store, but i didn't. i DID see some inspiration for things i want to make. one of which is this WAY too cool Katamari. I'm also going to make myself an Amigurumi moogle, following a good friend of mine's pattern that she adapted from a pattern she saw on the web. The pattern is on my craft blog The Adventures of Crafty Boy .
Dinner consisted of meatloaf, salad, and sweet potatoes. it was really nice to have some comfort food again. College food, while fine, gets old after a while.
In any case, today went fine, not much to be said. Other than that i feel honored to be helping my friend license her pattern.
anywho, i'm out, want to finish my DS Lite case, or at least the test patch, before i start anything else.
-Brian
So today wasn't ridiculously eventful.
Went to the craft store. stopped off at a dollar store close by.
I was going to buy some stuff at the craft store, but i didn't. i DID see some inspiration for things i want to make. one of which is this WAY too cool Katamari. I'm also going to make myself an Amigurumi moogle, following a good friend of mine's pattern that she adapted from a pattern she saw on the web. The pattern is on my craft blog The Adventures of Crafty Boy .
Dinner consisted of meatloaf, salad, and sweet potatoes. it was really nice to have some comfort food again. College food, while fine, gets old after a while.
In any case, today went fine, not much to be said. Other than that i feel honored to be helping my friend license her pattern.
anywho, i'm out, want to finish my DS Lite case, or at least the test patch, before i start anything else.
-Brian
Day 22 - March 24, 2008
Tea is delicious.
So my mom dragged me and my brother out to a classical Chinese garden, it was very beautiful.
They had a tea house too. that's when i got excited.
So we decide to have some tea, and i figured i would introduce my mom to Jasmine Pearl green tea. It's tea leaves that have been rolled up into little balls, and then it unfurls as it brews.
It's an absolutely delicious tea, and i really enjoyed being able to just relax in a nice quiet atmosphere and have some tea, and a beautiful view.
We also had some almond cookies, and right before we left i composed one last quick shot.
Of course, i couldn't leave without some of this delicious tea. so i bought myself a nice little tin of it.
We ventured on, and visited the gift shop at the Chinese garden. I got myself a nice mug in which to drink my tea, it has a little strainer in it so i can brew my tea and then remove the leaves.
there it is, next to my tin o' tea.
all in all, it was a nice day.
i can't complain when i've got good tea.
-Brian
So my mom dragged me and my brother out to a classical Chinese garden, it was very beautiful.
They had a tea house too. that's when i got excited.
So we decide to have some tea, and i figured i would introduce my mom to Jasmine Pearl green tea. It's tea leaves that have been rolled up into little balls, and then it unfurls as it brews.
It's an absolutely delicious tea, and i really enjoyed being able to just relax in a nice quiet atmosphere and have some tea, and a beautiful view.
We also had some almond cookies, and right before we left i composed one last quick shot.
Of course, i couldn't leave without some of this delicious tea. so i bought myself a nice little tin of it.We ventured on, and visited the gift shop at the Chinese garden. I got myself a nice mug in which to drink my tea, it has a little strainer in it so i can brew my tea and then remove the leaves.
there it is, next to my tin o' tea.all in all, it was a nice day.
i can't complain when i've got good tea.
-Brian
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Day 21 - March 23, 2008
and again i rise out of the pit of sadness only to be pushed back down.
yesterday was great once i got into Washington. hung out at my sister's place for a little bit, then went to my sister's boyfriend's cousin's house in Oregon. we went down to the beach where the Goonies was filmed, and i had raw oysters for the first time (they're not for me, but not horrible).
I had some great conversation as well.
this morning i awoke at a decent time, and found a Rubik's cube in my basket.
i have been messing around with it ever since. i'm a horrible nerd for not having owned one up til now, but i really want to develop an algorithm to solve it that isn't the one provided in the little solution manual.
i also got a great shirt. if any of you read XKCD (great comic online) you will recognize the compiling shirt from the store. i have it now (yes!!!).
i'm such a nerd. lol.
and i checked what grades were already in.
i have 2 B's so far.
then i decided to look at my official grade profile.
and there it is, again.
an F
in calculus II.
my heart sank, and i haven't felt good since. i know that everyone (the university as well as my parents) is judging me based on this quarter, since it will be an integral part of me being able to stay where i am.
so now i feel like crap, again.
o well.
i'm used to it now.
-Brian
yesterday was great once i got into Washington. hung out at my sister's place for a little bit, then went to my sister's boyfriend's cousin's house in Oregon. we went down to the beach where the Goonies was filmed, and i had raw oysters for the first time (they're not for me, but not horrible).
I had some great conversation as well.
this morning i awoke at a decent time, and found a Rubik's cube in my basket.
i have been messing around with it ever since. i'm a horrible nerd for not having owned one up til now, but i really want to develop an algorithm to solve it that isn't the one provided in the little solution manual.
i also got a great shirt. if any of you read XKCD (great comic online) you will recognize the compiling shirt from the store. i have it now (yes!!!).
i'm such a nerd. lol.
and i checked what grades were already in.
i have 2 B's so far.
then i decided to look at my official grade profile.
and there it is, again.
an F
in calculus II.
my heart sank, and i haven't felt good since. i know that everyone (the university as well as my parents) is judging me based on this quarter, since it will be an integral part of me being able to stay where i am.
so now i feel like crap, again.
o well.
i'm used to it now.
-Brian
Day 19 & 20 - March 21 & 22, 2008
NOTE: i wrote this March 22 when i didn't have internet and am just now posting it.
Winter '08 has been given the title “Quarter of Depression”.
It has just generally sucked, not like “Oh My God!!! my entire life is falling apart at once!” sucky, but more like a “consistent stream of crap” sucky.
On the whole most of this quarter could be measured as how far away I was from being the least bit happy (I must admit, it's a shitty scale, but it's the best fit). I was, in general, being emotionally torn to pieces. this happened a grand number of ways, i'll just skim the high points (I guess they're really low points, but whatever).
I had to deal with the constant texting/calling of my then most recent ex-girlfriend.
Immediately followed by,
Super-loneliness/wallowing in self-pity.
Once I got over that,
I got myself into a relationship I wasn't ready for and that wasn't what I really wanted.
When I ended that,
I got a "nice" message from my new ex, which she took back, but what's done is done.
Which was right after,
A shitty first birthday away from home (not many people remembered/cared/said anything).
And at the end of it all,
My “friend” decided to pull some crap on her birthday, and has since said things that make me question our friendship because she hadn't told me earlier and I fear that they may interfere.
And then,
There's LAX.
The whole trip to LAX started out wonderful, one of my friends offered me a ride (thanks again!), and I had a wonderful conversation with one of the other travelers.
And seeing LA for the first time was very cool.
All this good went flying out the window when I got to LAX.
To put everything into perspective, it's 5:26 AM. I'm at LAX and writing this in OpenOffice so that I can post it whenever I get internet today (probably when I get to my sister's place in Washington).
I got to LAX at 8:30 last night. I figured “Okay! i'll just check in my bag, proceed to my gate and chill out”. oh, how naive I was. Of course, you can't check in bags until 4 hours before departure. which means I was stuck outside of security til 4 AM. There was only a few benches and a restroom (thank God for the bathroom), and a hard tile floor. Alas! upon returning from the bathroom my bench seat had been taken.
And so I began my useless attempt at knitting my DS Lite case (for details, see my craft blog, The Adventures of Crafty Boy). After I gave up on that I tried to sleep. and THAT'S when I noticed how hungry I was. Why was I starving? I hadn't eaten dinner, because my friend went to eat AFTER dropping me off. It's not his fault, just saying I had some bad luck.
And so there I lay, cold, hungry, and with a HUGE tummy ache (NEVER take TWO 5-hour energy shots on an empty stomach, NEVER, just DON'T do it).
and next thing I know my phone buzzes. it's a PIX message. I think to myself “who for the love of God sent me a random picture message?” Upon opening it I was greeted by an adorable Amigurumi Moogle (stuffed crocheted animal from Final Fantasy). I immediately remembered. “Charlotte finished it! Awesome!” and so I began to text my friend about how shitty my life currently was in traveller's hell, as I now call the LAX ticketing lobby.
so I eventually get up, and notice that the bench has been mostly vacated (should've looked earlier). so I settled into a semi-comfortable seat and slouched while listening to some tunes. I was startled by the arrival of a decent sized group of I believe Cal Poly students, all ready for Spring Break. I avoid engaging in conversation, both because of me not knowing these guys, and the point that i'm dead tired. I got MAYBE 2 hours of crap-tastic sleep total. official verdict? LAX sucks. and I haven't even left yet.
I also noticed at this point that every time I take a deep breath, when I exhale a chill runs literally from my chest to the ends of my fingers and toes. hmmm.... yet ANOTHER reason I shouldn't have had TWO 5-hour energy shots without eating anything.
So yeah, right when things were looking up, the rest of my night and start of today just threw it all back down.
-Brian
PS: i'll put up today's post a little later, i think i'm going to take a little nap.
Winter '08 has been given the title “Quarter of Depression”.
It has just generally sucked, not like “Oh My God!!! my entire life is falling apart at once!” sucky, but more like a “consistent stream of crap” sucky.
On the whole most of this quarter could be measured as how far away I was from being the least bit happy (I must admit, it's a shitty scale, but it's the best fit). I was, in general, being emotionally torn to pieces. this happened a grand number of ways, i'll just skim the high points (I guess they're really low points, but whatever).
I had to deal with the constant texting/calling of my then most recent ex-girlfriend.
Immediately followed by,
Super-loneliness/wallowing in self-pity.
Once I got over that,
I got myself into a relationship I wasn't ready for and that wasn't what I really wanted.
When I ended that,
I got a "nice" message from my new ex, which she took back, but what's done is done.
Which was right after,
A shitty first birthday away from home (not many people remembered/cared/said anything).
And at the end of it all,
My “friend” decided to pull some crap on her birthday, and has since said things that make me question our friendship because she hadn't told me earlier and I fear that they may interfere.
And then,
There's LAX.
The whole trip to LAX started out wonderful, one of my friends offered me a ride (thanks again!), and I had a wonderful conversation with one of the other travelers.
And seeing LA for the first time was very cool.
All this good went flying out the window when I got to LAX.
To put everything into perspective, it's 5:26 AM. I'm at LAX and writing this in OpenOffice so that I can post it whenever I get internet today (probably when I get to my sister's place in Washington).
I got to LAX at 8:30 last night. I figured “Okay! i'll just check in my bag, proceed to my gate and chill out”. oh, how naive I was. Of course, you can't check in bags until 4 hours before departure. which means I was stuck outside of security til 4 AM. There was only a few benches and a restroom (thank God for the bathroom), and a hard tile floor. Alas! upon returning from the bathroom my bench seat had been taken.
And so I began my useless attempt at knitting my DS Lite case (for details, see my craft blog, The Adventures of Crafty Boy). After I gave up on that I tried to sleep. and THAT'S when I noticed how hungry I was. Why was I starving? I hadn't eaten dinner, because my friend went to eat AFTER dropping me off. It's not his fault, just saying I had some bad luck.
And so there I lay, cold, hungry, and with a HUGE tummy ache (NEVER take TWO 5-hour energy shots on an empty stomach, NEVER, just DON'T do it).
and next thing I know my phone buzzes. it's a PIX message. I think to myself “who for the love of God sent me a random picture message?” Upon opening it I was greeted by an adorable Amigurumi Moogle (stuffed crocheted animal from Final Fantasy). I immediately remembered. “Charlotte finished it! Awesome!” and so I began to text my friend about how shitty my life currently was in traveller's hell, as I now call the LAX ticketing lobby.
so I eventually get up, and notice that the bench has been mostly vacated (should've looked earlier). so I settled into a semi-comfortable seat and slouched while listening to some tunes. I was startled by the arrival of a decent sized group of I believe Cal Poly students, all ready for Spring Break. I avoid engaging in conversation, both because of me not knowing these guys, and the point that i'm dead tired. I got MAYBE 2 hours of crap-tastic sleep total. official verdict? LAX sucks. and I haven't even left yet.
I also noticed at this point that every time I take a deep breath, when I exhale a chill runs literally from my chest to the ends of my fingers and toes. hmmm.... yet ANOTHER reason I shouldn't have had TWO 5-hour energy shots without eating anything.
So yeah, right when things were looking up, the rest of my night and start of today just threw it all back down.
-Brian
PS: i'll put up today's post a little later, i think i'm going to take a little nap.
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