Day 14 - March 16, 2008

okay. so everything i said about my break-up going well...
...forget about it.

i just received a message on facebook saying that i'm basically an asshole. or at least thats what it infers. She says she's having a hard time with all of this, and i can understand that to a point, but i think that the "hey let's just dump all of our emotions on Brian in a very negative way" message isn't the best way to deal with it. A simple "hey you hurt me" would've sufficed.

but then again this is nothing new, when i broke up with Lauren (my ex before all of this), i got a "lovely" stream of texts that she's now sorry for (and we're also able to be friends).

The way it sounds with this girl, she was just trying to reciprocate the hurt back onto me. even though our relationship was short, apparently she was very emotionally attached (which she never expressed to me through her actions). the odd thing is that towards the end she put in the things that she liked about me (there were quite a few). The attacks were things she never cared about during the relationship "you never really took me out on a date", "you seem to have a problem with confronting issues", etc.

so basically now im an ass for listening to my feelings and getting out of a relationship that didn't feel right to me. i didn't want to lead her on and then break it off later, i figured doing it now was best for everyone.

but apparently i'm the worst thing to ever happen to the dating world and i'm an inconsiderate ass who doesn't communicate, and can't solve problems.

just to illustrate the problems inherent to the relationship i really don't feel any remorse. i know that i'm in a period of my life where i need to stop trying to make everyone else happy all the time and make myself happy every once in a while. and this relationship wasn't making me truly happy.

there was just a feeling of uncomfortability, because i was making all the moves and she was deciding if she was comfortable with them i felt like i was being constantly judged. i was afraid that if i did something she wasn't comfortable with she would think i was pushy, but if i didnt do anything then our relationship would never get anywhere. it was a lose-lose.

so all of these petty attacks are something i've seen time and time again. instead of taking the high road and just sucking it up and moving on, shes dragging out the process and making it more painful for herself.

i was dumped after 2 months of going out, i didn't say a damn thing. i told the girl i was dating at the time that i wish we could still be together and then left her alone and moved on.

so whatever, when shes ready to be civil and treat me like a friend thats fine with me, but until then i'm not talking to her. she even says what she liked about me, but all those things, she never told me any of that while we were dating. doing that could've changed things. shes blaming me for not communicating? she didn't do much talking herself. she texted me like twice, otherwise all the text conversations were started by me. and she never indicated through actions or words how attached she was getting. as far as i knew she enjoyed kissing and that when i dumped her i was saving both of us from future hurt. but whatever.

btw, sry Doug. i was tired last night cause i was up til 3 the previous night. wish i would've been up for you. you've done so much good for me that you deserve it.

well everybody, i'm gonna call this post done (no more edits, i swear)

-Brian