Day 19 & 20 - March 21 & 22, 2008

NOTE: i wrote this March 22 when i didn't have internet and am just now posting it.

Winter '08 has been given the title “Quarter of Depression”.

It has just generally sucked, not like “Oh My God!!! my entire life is falling apart at once!” sucky, but more like a “consistent stream of crap” sucky.

On the whole most of this quarter could be measured as how far away I was from being the least bit happy (I must admit, it's a shitty scale, but it's the best fit). I was, in general, being emotionally torn to pieces. this happened a grand number of ways, i'll just skim the high points (I guess they're really low points, but whatever).

I had to deal with the constant texting/calling of my then most recent ex-girlfriend.

Immediately followed by,

Super-loneliness/wallowing in self-pity.

Once I got over that,

I got myself into a relationship I wasn't ready for and that wasn't what I really wanted.

When I ended that,

I got a "nice" message from my new ex, which she took back, but what's done is done.

Which was right after,

A shitty first birthday away from home (not many people remembered/cared/said anything).

And at the end of it all,

My “friend” decided to pull some crap on her birthday, and has since said things that make me question our friendship because she hadn't told me earlier and I fear that they may interfere.

And then,
There's LAX.



The whole trip to LAX started out wonderful, one of my friends offered me a ride (thanks again!), and I had a wonderful conversation with one of the other travelers.

And seeing LA for the first time was very cool.

All this good went flying out the window when I got to LAX.

To put everything into perspective, it's 5:26 AM. I'm at LAX and writing this in OpenOffice so that I can post it whenever I get internet today (probably when I get to my sister's place in Washington).

I got to LAX at 8:30 last night. I figured “Okay! i'll just check in my bag, proceed to my gate and chill out”. oh, how naive I was. Of course, you can't check in bags until 4 hours before departure. which means I was stuck outside of security til 4 AM. There was only a few benches and a restroom (thank God for the bathroom), and a hard tile floor. Alas! upon returning from the bathroom my bench seat had been taken.

And so I began my useless attempt at knitting my DS Lite case (for details, see my craft blog, The Adventures of Crafty Boy). After I gave up on that I tried to sleep. and THAT'S when I noticed how hungry I was. Why was I starving? I hadn't eaten dinner, because my friend went to eat AFTER dropping me off. It's not his fault, just saying I had some bad luck.

And so there I lay, cold, hungry, and with a HUGE tummy ache (NEVER take TWO 5-hour energy shots on an empty stomach, NEVER, just DON'T do it).

and next thing I know my phone buzzes. it's a PIX message. I think to myself “who for the love of God sent me a random picture message?” Upon opening it I was greeted by an adorable Amigurumi Moogle (stuffed crocheted animal from Final Fantasy). I immediately remembered. “Charlotte finished it! Awesome!” and so I began to text my friend about how shitty my life currently was in traveller's hell, as I now call the LAX ticketing lobby.

so I eventually get up, and notice that the bench has been mostly vacated (should've looked earlier). so I settled into a semi-comfortable seat and slouched while listening to some tunes. I was startled by the arrival of a decent sized group of I believe Cal Poly students, all ready for Spring Break. I avoid engaging in conversation, both because of me not knowing these guys, and the point that i'm dead tired. I got MAYBE 2 hours of crap-tastic sleep total. official verdict? LAX sucks. and I haven't even left yet.

I also noticed at this point that every time I take a deep breath, when I exhale a chill runs literally from my chest to the ends of my fingers and toes. hmmm.... yet ANOTHER reason I shouldn't have had TWO 5-hour energy shots without eating anything.

So yeah, right when things were looking up, the rest of my night and start of today just threw it all back down.

-Brian

PS: i'll put up today's post a little later, i think i'm going to take a little nap.