My crazy idea and mission.

So, here i sit.

In front of my computer.

just like EVERY other day.

I check my Myspace, check my Facebook, refresh my Gmail inbox.

nothing.

i'm talking to people online, the few(2-3) who seem to be able to talk to me without insulting me in one way or another.


And I'm thinking, "There must be more people like me out there. more people who, for lack of a better word, are sensitive." now i don't mean you-get-a-cut-and-go-running-to-mommy sensitive, i mean you-express-your-emotions sensitive.


So here's my idea. I'm going to post as least once-a-day (some of the more emotionally-charged days will get more posts) for a whole year. just whatever is on my mind.
Even if no one reads it, at least i got my thoughts out. there might be some invitation for further thought as well. And you're ALWAYS free to leave me a comment.

A little background info on me, and then my first post.

I'm a Freshman studying Computer Engineering.
I crochet, knit, cross stitch, sew, take photos, design circuits, and work on my car.
I was raised (for the most part) by my mother and two sisters, and so i have immense respect towards women, and i try and be a gentleman.
I'm also sensitive. which is a blessing. and a curse.

Now i'm sure you're thinking "Wow! what a well-rounded guy, how could he possibly see his sensitivity as a problem?"
How did i call it? cause that's what everyone always says to me.

In the straight dude community, no one seems to be sensitive, apparently society doesn't want man to be sensitive. but that's a quality that many women look for.

FIRST POST March 3, 2008 - Day 1

So if i'm having a crappy day who can i turn to? Who notices my body language and bad mood? my straight friends? nope. now my gay friends will pick up on all this right away, but they're few and far between. and i have a FEW good female friends that i can talk to. the problem is, all of the people i can talk to live some distance away, thereby limiting my ability to contact them and their ability to help me out.

Something i'm beginning to have a love-hate relationship with is social networking sites.
MySpace. Facebook. i have a profile on both and feel slightly more hate towards the latter.

On MySpace, in case you're not familiar with it, there is no way to see what other people are doing, or whos' profiles they've commented on.

Facebook on the other hand, has this little information smorgasboard called the news feed.
when i get an email from Facebook, normally its nothing, just my friends firing back and forth messages on something called a thread.

Other times, it's somebody actually stopping by my profile for a whole 5 seconds or more and leaving me a comment or something.

now, i leave my desktop computer on, and throughout the day i take a good ol' gander at the news feed. i see comment after video upload after picture comment after given gift, all make their way down to the bottom of the feed.

my only problem is, i seem to be getting about .001% of the activity i see on the feed. I've watched friends of mine have comment conversations that last days with all the back and forth. I've seen people upload a picture and almost instantly get tons of comments. i could almost condense all this information into a neat-looking graph of activity.

and my profile.... well it gets the occasional stop-by. and maybe one of my gay friends will decide to look at my new pictures. but the majority of my friends??? i'm pretty sure i could delete my profile and they wouldn't notice.

i have a habit of setting my status to how i feel. this causes such things as "Brian is meh." and "Brian is wallowing in self-pity." and "Brian is wondering what life is all about." among MANY others. of course, even though these changes get posted to the feed, NO ONE notices. ever. i never get a "hey, sorry to hear your day sucks" comment.

And so these "social networking" sites seem to just make me feel more miserable (my MySpace gets an equally lackluster amount of traffic).

And so i hold out for those days when people do come on my profile. as few and far between as they are. I guess i'm used to it now. Today isn't too great so far. i wasn't in a great mood yesterday, and today is lookin a little better, but not much. That's the other thing you'll get by reading this. a heavy dosage of diary-esque emotions. i don't have many outlets, and im hoping to make this one of them. i'll see if it helps i guess. if i keep it up for a year, who knows?

-Brian